9 things your employees could be doing instead of managing expenses

1. Getting rid of the old food in the fridge

It used to be pasta but it hasn’t been for a long time.

It’s green and lurking at the back behind four packets of out of date ham, a half-eaten Tesco cheese and onion sandwich and the remains of a weight watchers couscous salad that you thought you wanted but quickly decided that pizza was better.

It’s time to deal with all of that nastiness.

2. Explaining to George in Accounts Payable why that phrase isn’t acceptable anymore

George has been using the same jokes and sayings since before anyone remembers.

In fact, no-one is quite sure how he even joined the business and it has been suggested that he was inherited from the company that was in the office before you, along with the toilet brush and a dodgy kettle.

Wherever he came from, those phrases have gone from mildly amusing to being seriously off colour and now they are definitely a no-no.

It’s going to be a difficult conversation and there will be accusations of being the ‘thought police’ but before George wanders off muttering about it being ‘PC gone mad’ you need to get through to him.

3. Cutting all the abandoned bike locks off the racks outside the office

Why are there so many locks on the bike racks?

Does someone have a real habit of losing their keys?

Is it someone attaching them to racks and railings outside random companies ‘for a laugh’?

They sit there, day after day, degenerating into a pile of oxidised metal and leaving a trail of rusty water every time it rains.

Maybe you can task someone with finding a pair of bolt cutters and snipping them off once and for all.

You could always station a staff member outside to watch out in case the culprit comes back.

4. Inventing a way of dealing with the mountain of Amazon parcels that turn up every day

So most of the time it is a regular trickle of parcels arriving in the offices and Sally on reception has to work out who has been able to order four Buzz Lightyear models and an iguana bed but hasn’t managed to get the right name on the outside of the parcel.

But at Christmas, it becomes a nightmare with Hermes, UPS and DHL all having their own dedicated parking spaces.

What you need is a way of accepting parcels, storing them and advising the relevant staff member that unless they are claimed by close of play on Friday they will be opened and the uninteresting stuff will go in the cardboard compactor.

The interesting stuff will, of course, be auctioned off for charity/taken home for testing.

5. Teaching the MD what Twitter and Facebook are and explaining why he should never use them

So far he’s been reluctant to get involved in the world of social media but his 13-year-old grandson has been telling him that he needs to be involved and so the MD has been making noises.

All it takes is a convincing presenter telling him that Twitter is the way to go at the next networking meeting and he’ll be all over it.

Best to delegate someone to explain how much of a minefield it is and plant some seeds to suggest that he might be better off using his legendary powers of charm and diplomacy on a face to face basis.

And whatever they do, they’d better not let on that we’ve had a company Twitter page for the last seven years

6. Taking an advanced negotiation course so that you can organise a departmental meal

You’ve been allocated the budget to take everyone out for a meal to say ‘well done’ for getting through audit in record time.

But that’s only the start of the battle.

The first problem is finding a date that is acceptable with everyone, what with Mike’s circuit training, Dawn’s yoga and Phil being available on a Tuesday but only if City aren’t playing at home.

Once you’ve got the date then you need to find out what people will eat.

Dan is massively in favour of Indian, Steve won’t go for Thai as he is allergic to sesame and Shirley will only go somewhere that has gluten-free options.

If you could only find a pizzeria that does vegan, non-sesame, non-gluten, is not too spicey, is close to a bus route and isn’t too loud but still has a bit of a buzz then you’d be quids in.

While you’re on it maybe you could solve the Middle East crisis too. It might be easier.

7. Finally reconciling your NEST account with the payroll reports

Why do they take those amounts?

What do they relate to?

Who do they relate to?

At the start, you put the difference in your pension contributions down to teething problems but it’s gone way beyond that now as your pension account and your NEST statements are as different as a different thing.

Three interns and a junior have been tasked with the job that nobody else wants and have left as a result.

With all the time you are saving it is probably the right point to think about forming a specialist team and getting to the bottom of the problem once and for all.

After all, it’s probably only a simple issue – isn’t it?

8. Finding where the teaspoons actually go

The problem with teaspoons is that they are too useful.

Sure, you can eat yoghurt with them or stir your tea but they can do so much more.

Dan from marketing used a couple as tyre levers for his bike, Steve in sales used them for doing up the annoying screw sticking out of his desk and Sally on reception uses them as makeshift spider catapults.

It’s just a shame that no-one has learnt to bring them back yet.

Or wash them.

9. Watering the oddly shaped rubber plant

It sits in the corner watching people going into the meeting rooms silently screaming ‘water me’!

The lack of light has meant that it has gone from a fine-looking specimen to a twisted, contorted dust-covered freak with yellowing leaves and a pot full of what appears to be chewing gum.

Maybe it is time to task someone with cleaning the leaves, feeding it, watering it and moving it somewhere that it can see the sun.

Or maybe you should just throw it out.

Your call.

Automating your expenses saves time and money

OK so admittedly you probably have 101 better things that you can task people with that will add much more value to your company than our examples.

Getting your expenses in order doesn’t just save the accounts team time, it makes life easier for staff and managers as they can submit and approve claims quicker and more easily.

Why not check out Access Expense and see how easy life could be?